I haven't had much of a chance to write. I had surgery at the end of February and have been dealing with writers block and home life since. I haven't heard back, so I am honestly debating on whether or not to try and self publish through amazon. But I don't know.
This is what I want to do. But I think as a writer you need support. And honestly, I don't have much of that. My family well they all know I love to write. But can I make a career out of it? When I was a kid I use to think so. Now as an adult those childish fantasies are just painful to think about. I have my amazing children, but at 35. I thought I would have done more with my life. Become more. I'm disappointed in myself for being afraid. Disappointed that I didn't go after my dreams when I was younger. Yes I know I'm not that old, but I don't know. It's the fear of my own mortality I guess.
In my world, age means nothing. People live for thousands of years so, dicking around for the first little bit is fine. They can do something later in life that is cool or whatever. But I don't get to live that long. And I have spent so much of my life afraid, anxious over things beyond my control. I hate that for me. I hate that for my younger self.
I just have to keep trying. Keep moving forward and find what it is that I am yearning for. Just slow going. And a little sad today.
